dear eros and wet platinum ID:

can’t you motherfuckers come up with a lube that is BOTH good to fuck with

AND won’t ruin my fucking sheets?

i’d like to say these are cum stains on my bed, but no – - -

just morning after lube stains that won’t wash out.

p.s. gun oil is not allowed in my house or at my shoots since the day a top accidentally spilled it onto my camera lens.  have you ever tried to get gun oil off of a camera while 8 guys are fucking in front of you?

dear gay dudes of the world.

when going to a trick’s house to fuck,

the first thing out of your mouth upon arrival should NOT be…

“Hey, where can I plug in my iPhone?”